Tag Archives: tbi

My “dream” vacation


This really struck a chord with me. I’ve been kind of down the past few weeks because my siblings were planning and invited me on what was my ‘dream vacation’. One I’ve talked about wanted to do with my boys since they were babies. And now, we can’t.
My dream vacation was to relive an annual trip I made with my dad into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area in northern Minnesota. We would pack up the pick up, drive many miles down a dirt road, until we got to a certain river.  Then we’d unload the truck and carefully pack it all into the canoe and take off, knowing there’d be a portage ahead of us.  We’d finally make it to the lake, where we’d continue paddling until we got to the spot he wanted to camp. I say “he wanted to camp” because by the time we’d get to the lake, I’d be so tired of paddling and being in the canoe that the first spot looked perfect to me! It was as rustic of a camping trip as you can make.  No motors or anything allowed.  Everything you packed in, you had to pack back out.  We would fish, cook over the campfire, make s’mores all weekend, then load up and paddle back to the pick up, where I’d sleep the entire drive home. A trip my camping/hunting/fishing boys would have absolutely loved!  But, not a trip for a wheelchair or a toddler. So, therefore, no longer a trip for us.

I have got to quit being bummed about this and find something that we Can do.  Who knows? Maybe someday that trip will be possible, but, for now, it’s not doing anyone any good for me to sit around pouting because we can’t.

By the way, my older siblings have decided against that trip and are now renting a lake house for a weekend.  We still aren’t going, too many miles away right in the middle of one of my busiest months of the year. Plus, none of them have little ones – their kids are all adult, most with kids of their own, and it really hasn’t sounded like little ones were included in the invitation to join them.


I don’t know what’s going on, but, my oldest son is going through another of his grumpy stages.  He’s not too bad in the mornings, but, by afternoon, it’s obvious something is bothering him, but, he just says Nothing.

He’s also refusing to eat what is cooked for meals!  Or, at least, not eating when the rest of us eat.  Eventually, he will finally decide to eat, after changing his mind several times, even after whatever he asked for is being fixed.  The meal thing is really going to drive me crazy.  When he changes his mind, his tone is like he’s mad at whoever is fixing something for him, “Why are you warming up lasagna?”  “Because you just said you wanted it!”  “No, I don’t! I’m not even hungry.”

Anniversary of the Worst Day Ever

3 years ago today, about this time, I received the phone call that changed our lives forever.

3 years, yet right now, I am fighting tears.  Why does the date make a difference?

He’s here.  I was just talking to him.  I should not be feeling so sad!

So what if the doctors told us “We’ll know in a year how full his recovery is.  What he has in a year is it.”  They were Wrong!!!  He’s shown improvement in areas well past the first year.  He is still improving!!!  He’s now on the treadmill daily, 6 months ago, a treadmill was out of the question!

My emotions are so all over the place right now, I don’t even know what to write.  I need to just get busy and get my mind occupied.

Grumpiness is getting contagious around here!

Exciting news for me – I got several new props and a back light this week!  I’m actually excited to do an indoor session, and usually, I like outdoor sessions so much better.  And, I had sessions all weekend, now busy editing this week.

Other than that,  it’s one of those days that I’m ready to throw in the towel.  My house is a wreck, laundry is piled high, Munchkin is constantly making huge messes, I need to hem a dress, family room needs rearranged to fit in the treadmill, and the oldest is having one of his very disagreeable, grumpy, won’t say what’s wrong weeks. And believe me, he’s grumpy. And making life difficult.

Yesterday, I fixed sandwiches for lunch, had his started, and he said he didn’t want it. So, I ate a sandwich made with stuff I didn’t want.  He couldn’t decide what he wanted, offered a sandwich a few more times, among other things  I was going to a studio to buy props with my sister, and I told him I’d pick up something for him.  Then he griped because I put up the sandwich stuff before he got one.  Reminded him he didn’t want a sandwich, and I’d pick whatever he wanted up.  He didn’t know what, so I told him I’d call before we headed home.

We’re ready to head home, I call, he still doesn’t know what he wants, and gripes again that I put the sandwich stuff away.  I reminded him he said he didn’t want a sandwich, I ended up eating one that wasn’t made the way I wanted, and if he wanted a sandwich, it only takes a couple minutes to get stuff back out and make one, all he has to do is tell his younger brother. He doesn’t want a sandwich. He doesn’t want anything in the town I’m in, so I tell him I’m going through the town we live close to, and I’ll pick him up a piece of pizza if he wants. He asks if I can get him a chicken salad sandwich. Sure!  No problem!!  He actually sounded happy for the first time all day!!!!

We get one mile out of town and I got a text. “I don’t want chicken salad now.”


Today has pretty much been the same way.  He refuses to get on the treadmill or do anything I ask. He just mopes around, being grumpy, and not wanting anything that is cooked, he wants something else.

And right now, Munchkin is being whiny and clingy.  Wants to watch her princess movie, but won’t go watch it, claiming her brother shut it off. I can hear it playing in the other room.

I really think I’m just going to fix myself a margarita.

Just let me know, Son!!!!!

My oldest son had a lot of problems with his catheter while he was in the hospitals.  Once, it was left in for weeks longer than it should have been – this happened after changing hospitals, I don’t feel there was enough communication?  It would also become blocked. We ended up at the ER more than once. The worst ER visit was utterly ridiculous!  Several hours in the bright, busy, hallway with him on his gurney, fighting his father and I horribly!  He kept trying to take his trache out.  On one of my many trips to the nurse’s desk for help, I was informed that we were his parents, we should be able to handle him.  Excuse me?!  We were in no way medically trained, and had no training whatsoever on traches, or how to “handle” a TBI patient who was in pain! I did remind this man, who was supposed to be a nurse, that my son had a TBI, and they had him in a brightly lit, busy area, and that he needed to be in a quiet, darkened room!!  We were also going on several HOURS that his catheter had been completely blocked!!!!    Let’s not forget, I was also about 8 months pregnant at this time. I have also been told that his bladder ended up getting perforated.  Yes. I am still very bitter about that visit.  It ended up being over 8 hours before they finally got a dr in that was able to finally get him some relief. That is one hospital that our family will NOT go to unless there is absolutely no other alternative!!!!

I really believe that all those problems are causes behind his current problems of bed wetting, and not always making it to the bathroom in time.  I believe that, and understand that.  But, I do have to ask, Why can’t he just TELL me when he’s had an accident instead of just leaving the room and leaving the mess for me to find?????? Especially when I just had to clean up a spill from his 2 year old sister, doing laundry, making his bed, and all I wanted to do was cut out a princess dress for Munchkin.

Little ones are watching and learning

Munchkin got her first “real” tricyle today, she’s been so excited to “pedal, pedal, pedal!” as she’s been saying for several days now.

What somewhat surprised me is, at the store, she finally got her “bike” picked out and in the cart, then she went immediately to the helmets and started trying them all on.  It took her what felt like forever to pick out the helmet!  There were no questions, no debates, nothing, she just automatically knew that if she was getting a bike, she was also getting a helmet.  Daddy and big brother never ride their dirt bikes without helmets.  In her mind, you do not ride without a helmet.

I have to admit, and feel somewhat guilty about this, but, my 2 year old is smarter than I am.  Of course, the dirt bikes are not to be even turned on without a helmet on, but, she’s just getting a tricycle, even if she is calling it a bicycle and a her bike.  She’ll probably ride it in the house more than anywhere else, and definitely won’t be going at high speeds.  For some odd reason, I wasn’t even thinking of a helmet.  How could I, the mother of a recovering TBI survivor not think about a helmet???? Just because my son’s TBI was result of a car wreck, I know that it doesn’t have to be something huge and major to cause a TBI. A simple fall with a bad landing, even off of a trike, could have a horrible ending.

Needless to say, she got her helmet, a cute little purple one that came with “bling” that can be moved around into the several holes all over it.  She’s been putting it on all evening when she wants to get on her bike,  and I have been stopping whatever I’m doing to help her, this is a habit that needs to be reinforced, and she’s absolutely correct, it’s easiest to start right off the bat doing things the correct way than it will be to establish a new habit later on when she’s on a bigger bike.

Where to begin?

Yes. It’s been busy, crazy, hectic.  The usual, actually.  I just haven’t taken time to write.

Let’s see, I was sick for about 3 weeks with a bladder infection.  Sick enough that I really didn’t do much of anything but what was absolutely necessary.

Munchkin and Middle son’s girlfriend were in a benefit pageant last weekend. (on a side note, I have got to come up with a nickname for her, “middle son’s girlfriend” is just getting too long to write all the time, and just sounds weird!)  The girls in the pageant collecting over 10,000 books for OK Literacy Coalition!!  Unnamed girl won Grand Supreme!!!  Munchkin won “Once upon a time Wear” and Beauty Supreme!!  I have to admit, I am shocked and amazed at the “Special event wear” win.  There is only 1 award for the entire natural pageant.  I have TRIED very hard at a couple other of these benefit pageants to win that one, worked very hard on special theme outfit, blinged them up, had special music mix made, worked with her Perfection Studios coach on her routine.  This time, I have to admit, I was more concerned with that poor girl I haven’t got a nickname for yet, trying to help her with her outfit and everything,  and just got out Munchkin’s “little red riding hood” outfit that she has worn before.  Tried it on her the night before we left, added a little fabric to the bottom of the shirt so it’d stay tucked in a couple hours before we left, and called it good.

So, the pageant started Friday night.  I planned on leaving around 1.  I didn’t get headed that way until after 3.  The oldest was supposed to go with me.  He was being difficult all day long, kept going back and forth on whether he was going or not. He actually had a chance that morning to go to OKC with his girlfriend, but he argued with her until she absolutely had to leave. I had several errands I had to run in town before I left, so after lunch, I told him if he was going, get his clothes and stuff together while I got the errands done, and I’d be back as soon as I was finished, would put his stuff in the suitcase, and we’d leave.  I started getting text messages and phone calls from him, asking what was taking so long, why did I leave him, what was taking so long, etc etc.  I got back, and he had nothing together, was just mad at me, saying I had left him.  I told him again, that he was supposed to get the clothes he wanted while I was getting that stuff done, it would save time if he had done that while I did the other.  I ended up telling him that I was already 2 hours late, I did not have time to argue or beg and plead with him to go with me, Yes, I wanted him to go, but, it was up to him, and if he wanted to go, we needed to grab his clothes and leave.  He griped at me some more about just leaving him when I went to town, and said he wasn’t going.  I asked him a couple more times while I got the car loaded, and he still just grumped around, so I really did leave him!  Honestly, I had been somewhat worrying about how I was going to push his chair, take care of his bathroom needs, etc and also chase Munchkin and get her ready for her events, plus help unnamed girl get ready for her events, without the oldest’s girlfriend there or either of his brothers to help.  Not to mention, he gets irritated when we have to leave him while we’re in the dressing room at pageants. I was also still not feeling the greatest with that dang infection.

Friday night, both girls did great!

Saturday morning, I woke up completely covered from the neck down with hives. Horribly covered! Itched like Crazy!!!!!! The Once Upon a Time wear was the last event for the girls.  Munchkin was on stage, ready to start, and the sound system went out.  We sat on the side of the stage for about 1/2 an hour while they worked on it.  She was extremely rambunctious, I was tired, itchy, and achy, and I just about said the heck with it, and almost pulled her from it.  After both girls did that, we went back to the oldest’s girlfriend’s house (need a nickname for her, too!!!)  had lunch, napped, and went back for Crowning.

Anna and Elsa were there and did the crowning.  Munchkin was absolutely in AWE!  Just kept staring and staring, and would occasionally say, “Mama!  It’s Elsa!!!!  Mama!  It’s Anna!!!!!  Elsa’s on stage!!!! Anna’s on stage!!!!”  She was so thrilled, I was glad we went.

When we got home Saturday night, and Unnamed Girl excitedly told the youngest and the Love of My Life all about everything, showed off everything they had won.  Later on, the Love of my Life told me that he thought pageants were very good for her, he loved seeing her so excited and happy, he doesn’t usually see and hear her that animated about things.

An overwhelming day

This morning has been overload!!!! 

Oldest is being difficult, has decided he doesn’t want to go to the concert (expected)  he’s being grumpy, and has even broken up with his girlfriend. (happens often when he’s in this mood!  She’s a saint for putting up with it!)

14 yo has been a fight to get out of bed, and stay awake to do his school work and chores.  He keeps falling asleep while reading, then arguing with me, telling me he wasn’t sleeping.  I’m sorry, I just stood there watching you for several minutes with your eyes closed, and no page turning going on, you even jumped when I said something!!

Munchkin has been peeing all over the house!  She’s done so good staying dry all week, but this morning, she’s gone through 4 pair of panties in 2 hours.

I have tons of editing to finish, like always.  At some point, I really need to get some groceries in this house, laundry is piled sky high, and I have mentioned I’m sick this week?  Kidney infection, my back and hips are killing me!!!

But, you know what? You suck it up, buttercup!  Some things just have to be done, whether you “feel” like it or not. It’s called responsibility, and being an adult.  Remember, there are always things to be thankful for, and if you look, you can always find reasons to laugh, or at least smile!  Life is what YOU make of it, even on the bad days!  You have the choice to sit back on your pity pot, or shake it all off and move on!  I am choosing to put a smile on my face, thank God that we have all these clothes, even if they do need to be washed, at least I have a washer and dryer!  Yes, my boys that are home today have horrible attitudes, but, they are home, alive and well!!  And, their bad moods will pass.  And, sooner or later, things will “click” with the munchkin, and she will use the bathroom all the time, and the time potty training is no time at all when compared to an entire lifetime. 🙂