Yet another post on Suicide

My heart and prayers go out to the family of Robin Williams.  The news devastated me.  There is very little “celebrity news” that affects me, that I even pay attention to, I guess it’s because my feelings are, I really don’t know them, just their names and public personas.  James Garner’s passing made me feel very sad, and now Robin Williams.  I have nearly cried several times.  I absolutely loved watching him, movies, stand-up, interviews. 

I can’t help but wonder if now people when pay attention when I tell them that suicide is a near daily fear, some days worse than others. And, I ask for help for my son. Some days, we do not dare leave him home alone. When watching the news last night, and they stated How Mr. Williams did it, I just cringed and thought, “Well, now they gave my son another idea.” Anyone else ever notice how the media says too much a lot of the time?

Depression is probably our biggest battle with our oldest.  And, I can understand why.  He cannot do the majority of the things that he used to do. He cannot walk on his own, he cannot drive. He gets extremely shaky.  His short term memory sucks. There have been small improvements, but not a lot in the last year.

His long term memory is there.  He remembers all the friends he used to have. He remembers all the fun they used to have. He remembers all the things he did for them. He remembers going hunting and fishing.

He notices that no one comes to see him, or comes to get him the way he used to go get them when they didn’t have a vehicle and he did.

He has stated countless times that no one even remembers him, he can’t do anything, and he sees no reason to go on.

I pray constantly.

I know that there isn’t an outside source that will “cure” his depression and suicidal thoughts.  But, I do know/notice that when he does actually get out and have fun, for the next few days, he’s somewhat better and motivated to do his therapy and do more. He has Hope for a couple days.

I get angry at times.  When I see his old friends, they ask how he is, and tell me to tell him “Hi” for them.  I tell them to go see him, he gets bored and lonely, I point out that he sits at home with me and his younger siblings.  They say they will, but then they don’t.  I tell him that it’s not that they have forgotten him, it’s that between college, jobs, new marriages, new babies, they really don’t have a lot of time.  I make excuses for them. I have flat out told family members and close friends at times that we’re on “suicide watch.”  I have asked for help.  Help seldom comes.

All I can do is pray constantly.

 

 

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